Russian Airport Security – A Myth

vnukovo-airport-at-nightI’ve written several times before already about how security at Russian airports is a joke. Like all things Russian, it is a Potemkin village designed to provide the proletariat with the illusion that the State has their best interest at heart and takes their lives and well-being seriously.

So imagine my feigned surprise when I read this morning of the story about an unaccompanied 11-year-old girl who managed to slip through security checks at Moscow’s Vnukovo airport and then managed to board a flight to St. Petersburg without a ticket or ID. There are so many failures here, not just with the airport security, but also with the airline itself.

According to the newsru.com website, the unnamed girl said that she had never flown by plane before and decided to go to Vnukovo after school where she mingled with crowds, slipped passed the security checks (see the security video footage below) and managed to get on-board a plane. As she boarded the Rossiya Airlines plane, the girl said she told the flight attendant she was travelling alone but was never asked by cabin crew to present any travel documents.

It is a sad but undeniable truth that Russia has for many years fabricated the illusion to its own citizens that it is both security concious and mindful of potential security issues, particularly in the wake of dozens of bombings and targeted attacks in Russian in recent years. The reality though is very different. This perceived blanket of security is non-existent. Security checks across Russia’s transport infrastructure are either never performed, or if they are, they’re done in a perfunctory and cursory fashion by a person who earns a pittance in salary and simply can’t be arsed to do their job professionally or properly.

Take for example the metal detector when entering the Airport Express train station. Every time ANYONE goes through it, the detector is set-off, but the security guards wave you through. The same is said of the security screening at the airport entrances. Sure, they have large x-ray machines scanning my bags before I even get through to the check-in hall. But 99% of the time the staff are chatting amongst each other barely glancing at the screen to see what’s inside passenger’s bags. It’s a joke! And don’t event get me started on the kid they employ whose sole function in life is to stamp my boarding pass before immigration!

Given the continued spate of bombings that have taken place at a variety of Russian airports and train/metro stations, you would think that if anywhere, Russia would take the idea of airport security seriously. That being said, it’s also not above the Russian security services to manipulate and manufacture “terrorist” attacks as was demonstrated with the apartment bombings in the September of 1999. Here it was proven that the FSB, in an effort to justify a war in Chechnya, and thus facilitate the apparatchik and military establishment to steal left right and centre under the guise of a civil war as well as enabling a newly installed Putin to demonstrate his hard-man image to the Russian proletariat.

Of course, the easiest way to resolve such issues is to assign blame. And it’s absolutely normal in Putin’s Russia that the blame rests, not with the state, but in this instance the parents of this little girl and the airport and airline whom she managed to slip past on on to said airplane. I have a hard time trying to understand why the parents should be blamed. Sure, an 11-year-old should have come straight home from school. But looking back to when I was that age, it was perfectly normal to go to and from school by oneself without the need to be chaperoned by your parents. No doubt her parents were worried sick when she hadn’t arrived home. Slapping them with a fine is just another way for Putin’s government to avoid criticism for a failure on the government’s part i.e. to provide fit-for-purpose state services by competently trained staff and properly organised institutions.

The longer I deal with Russia, the more Kafkaesque the country becomes over time.

Meanwhile In Russia – Darwinism Alive And Well

The Russian propensity to ignore rules, blatantly disregard for anything to do with health and safety, and a DNA that requires every Russian male to jury-rig anything mechanical in an effort to “improve”, in a Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor-esque way means that there is always something to look forward to from the Russian YouTube archives.

Take for example these two idiots, who decided to fiddle around with their Lada (a weekly chore amongst Russians) and install a home-made gas conversion kit. If you ask me, an LNG kit and a Lada are a lethal combination. [Note to American readers, gas in this case is Liquefied Natural Gas, and not Gasoline (Petrol)].

Imagine their surprise (I’m not really surprised at all) when the thing blew-up on them on the Moscow Automobile Ring Road, or MKAD, taking the entire back half of the chassis away with it.

The two would-be mechanics staggered out onto the highway clutching their hands to their heads. Both later told medics they could hear nothing apart from a permanent ringing sound.

Moscow doctor Leo Konovalov, who treated driver Edgar Maslov, 23, and passenger Gabriel Yermolayev, 48, said: “There was a massive pressure wave in the car caused by the exploding gas. If it was strong enough to send a heavy rubber tyre into the air, then you can imagine what it has done to the men’s eardrums. It is too early yet to see if they will ever hear again, but the prognosis is certainly not good.”

On a more positive note, they’re lucky they didn’t kill or injure any other motorists due to the flying shrapnel from their car.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, Darwinism is still very much alive and well in Mother Russia.

Russia Darwinism

Skydive Fail

Skydive Fail

This Tandem Master deserves an ass whooping. Poor lady was almost killed when she slipped out of her harness during a tandem skydive. What a fucking MORON!

I’ve done my fair share of skydiving when I was younger, and the first thing the guys at the Irish Parachute Centre in Clonbullogue drilled into us was to check your gear and your harnesses. If the harnesses were not tight enough so as to be uncomfortable, then they were too fucking loose! This guy was clearly never taught this.

The other thing I noticed was how scarred shitless she was and despite her protestations to NOT jump, the guys just fucked her out the door. That was another thing we were taught…..”Nobody HAS to jump!”. If they wanted to back out before exiting the door, they always had that option.

At the end of the day, Skydiving, if done properly and professionally, is perfectly safe. But jumping with numpties like this guy, is not. I’m just wondering if she signed up for another one!

Meanwhile in Russia – Russian Aquapark

Those crazy Russian’s are at it again. Only this time it doesn’t involve a dash-cam. Instead, they’ve reverted to their old reliable, the excavator.

As with most Russian’s I’ve met, the old adage of “laughing will turn to crying” is lost on them, as is the concept of “health and safety”, especially when there’s some fun and frollicks to be had.

Russian Aquapark

Fox News – Ho Lee Fuk

Fox News Asiana FlightFox News have trumped themselves yet again. This time, one of their affiliates, KTVU, broadcast fake names and touted them as the genuine names of the flight crew of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed in San Francisco last week.

It seems that the bogus names were mistakenly confirmed by a National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) intern, but the news channel never bothered to confirm the identity or position of the NTSB intern.

The presenter apologised for the error after a commercial break, but video of the report has already gone viral across the internet.

It is not clear how the gaffe originated, but the NTSB said one of its interns mistakenly confirmed the names in good faith when contacted by someone at KTVU.

It’s a long known fact that Fox News, or as I prefer to call them – Faux News – are THE most biased, right wing, xenophobic and unprofessional news corporation on the planet. The fact that they are owned by the arch deviant himself, Robert Murdoch, speaks volumes. Their record of piss-poor journalism is well and truly intact.

Meanwhile In Russia – Speeding Into Traffic

Russian Crash Traffic Jam

Sadly, the Russian’s seem hellbent on proving my theory right about Darwinism in reverse and that too many stupid people are surviving accidents that would have ordinarily killed someone back in the Victorian era. The upshot being the propagation of even MORE stupid people, on this planet we call home.

This time, it’s four gobshites from Moscow. Their crime? Well, for starters Garda, they were doing 180 km/h in a built-up area (i.e. downtown Moscow), and then decided that the traffic in the outside lane was too slow, so it would be better to overtake said traffic on the inside lane.

The four youths (insert culchie Irish Garda accent here) thought nothing of incriminating themselves either by videoing both their speed AND their faces. I mean…..they’re just totally gormless complete fucking tossers!!

Finally, the pièce de résistance is when they slam into a large tailback of traffic, wrecking at least eight cars (not including their own) in the process.

Makes the Dutch drivers I have to deal with seem absolutely convivial and gentlemanly 🙂

Irish In Amsterdam

Drunk Irish

I always feel so proud when I see a fellow Paddy out on the rip in Amsterdam, and generally making a monkey of himself after drinking way too much (NOT!).

But this guys party ended rather more quickly than he’d planned when he managed to knock himself out….and not a single punch was thrown either. Here, have a look for yourself. He’s done us proud….our reputation as a nation is still intact!

Mine’s a pint by the way 😉