Buzzword Bingo Yankoviced

Buzzword BingoIf you’re like me, then you’ll be fully aware of the deluge of corporate bullshit buzzwords being bandied about like confetti throughout todays companies. And if you’re also like me, as soon as a corporate buzzword meets your ears, it makes your skin crawl and gives you an unshakable urge to want to punch the person who uttered said bullshit squarely in the face.

So imagine my glee when I discovered this little gem from “Weird Al” Yankovic, in which he ties all of the more common bullshit buzzwords together in a send up to once and for all highlight to the world of the moronic incomprehensible bastardisation of the English language.

Al has been sending up the world through his fun and quirky parody songs, using the hits of the day to do it. And he’s been doing it for quite some time now. My first introduction was his hit “Eat It” where he used the music from Jackson’s hit “Beat It”. You can watch his “Eat It” rendition here.

But for now, sit back with a cup of coffee (or something stronger, if you happen to be a slave to one of the Fortune 500’s who use this EVERY SINGLE DAY) and enjoy.

Imagine The Most Graphic Horror Movie You’ve Ever Seen….

PETA - Reptile Cruelty

…..This Is Worse. And It’s Real.

WARNING – EXTREMELY GRAPHIC. MAY CAUSE SOME READERS DISTRESS.

If you thought the dirtiest place your handbag has ever been is the floor of a public toilet, then you haven’t seen anything yet! This is NSFW and is extremely graphic, but it’s an important truth that we need to face and spread to others.

It’s high time that the fashion industry, and those who support it, either as consumers, advertisers or designers, looked for alternatives to the cruel and inhumane slaughter of animals, which is all done in the vain attempt to “look good”. Please take the time to watch the video to understand exactly WHY this truly barbaric practice needs to STOP!

Another One Born Every Minute – Mass Media Gone Mad

Metro Herald Royal BabyIs it just me, or has the worlds media devoted WAAAAYYYY too much time and energy regarding the coverage of the pregnancy and recent birth of the newest member of the Windsor family. One would have thought that there were far more important or interesting things to cover, such as the recent earthquake in China, the about face of the Russian dictatorship with regards to Alexey Navalny’s recent court case or the announcement that scientists have found of way of regrowing retina’s using stem cells which in turn can help reverse blindness!

I am generally the first to skip past Sky News on any given day, but even quicker when either Tim Marshall or Kim Burley are occupying the screen. So imagine my delight when I saw someone take the opportunity to poke fun at the entire exaggerated, overblown coverage whilst being interviewed by that Dame of histrionics herself, Kay Burley, and it turns out he was Ze German, no less. Utterly hilarious.

Now that the royal tike has finally arrived, I hope that we can all move on to more important things in life, like will he be breastfed or not, will William be changing any shitty nappies and how long will I have to wait until this stem cell thing is available on the NHS!

Parking Pricks

Audi Parking

I’ve harped on before about inconsiderate Dutch drivers in general and Audi drivers in particular. But the photo above has prompted me to come up with a new idea, that of the “Parking Prick Post”.

I’ve already seen many examples whilst living here, as attested below, of inconsiderate, or just plain dumb, parking and I’ve decided that rather than let it bother me, I am going to use it as fodder for my blog.

So far, most of the miscreants are SUV drivers, which would suggest that either they are completely misjudging how big their car really is, and think of it’s proportions more akin to an Abrams tank than that of a family SUV. Or they are just wankers who couldn’t be arsed to adjust their car so that other users can avail of the spaces provided.

In Spain, many parking spaces are without the useful white lines, and so quite often you see large spaces which, if combined, could easily fit another two or three cars in the same row. But the Spaniards are to be forgiven, because there’s nothing marked on the road to point out their flawed parking. In Holland, the land that is more bureaucratic and hell bent on following rules than their German cousins across the border, it boggles my mind to think that they simply can’t be arsed and choose to park willy-nilly however they damn well please.

One would think that given the ability of the Dutch to milk everyone for exorbitant charges, to come up with fines and fees for all sorts of reasons and their ability to fleece customers left, right and centre of their hard earned cash, that they’d have already employed hundreds of parking attendants whose sole purpose in life was to slap a big fine on such thoughtless, selfish and boorish drivers. After all with “clogic™” (Cloggy Logic) being a deciding factor here, it is clearly a great little earner and a way for car park owners to compensate for the revenue they’ve missed due to the number of parking spaces no longer made available.

So starting today, I am going to photograph and publish every car user I come across who simply didn’t bother to think about how inconsiderate and asocial his/her parking affects their fellow drivers. And in the process my rising blood pressure should hopefully drop by a couple of millimetres.

I must also add that this behavioural phenomenon is not uniquely Dutch, as I’ve witnessed equal measures of contempt for fellow drivers in other cities across the world during my travels. So I will be only too happy to include tossers from this blue/green marble of ours into the “Parking Prick” posts wherever they were spotted.

I would also like to extend an invitation to my readers and invite you to send me your photo’s so I can upload and share them also. You can send me a message via the blog and I’ll send you the details on how you can submit your photo’s.

Happy motoring.

Dutch Parking

Not sure if this person’s guide-dog was at the vet’s, or if they were just being ultra careful to prevent damage to their car from other parked vehicles.

This idiot thought it would OK to park in front of a "Clearway" area marked by the Fire Brigade so they can use the canal water below in the event of a fire.

This idiot thought it would OK to park in front of a “Clearway” area marked by the Fire Brigade so they can use the canal water below in the event of a fire.

Parking_2

Although this Alfa Romeo is small, the owner clearly believe’s it’s much wider that it really is as they decided that one parking space was not enough. And the piller is not an excuse as it’s clearly not that much of an impediment.

Parking_1

Another SUV driver, this time a BMW X5, who has decided that the parking spaces are simply not large enough.

Cardinal Brady. Arrest Him

If I did anything criminally wrong, such as cycling my bike at night without any lights, driving whilst intoxicated, raping or sexually abusing someone, or perverting the course of justice, you can bet your ass that I would find myself clasped in irons and in the custody of the local constabulary or in front of a magistrate before you could say the words “Vatican City”.

Yet in Ireland, the head of the Catholic Church in Ireland is still walking the streets a free man, still in his position of power and executing the duties bestowed on him by the Pope as the primate of all Ireland (North and South mind you) without so much as a recalling to Rome by the Vatican or a visit by a member of An Garda Síochána.

All this blind-eye turning is going on amidst a background of revelations that Cardinal Brady KNEW about the abuse of one victim when he was informed back in 1975 by one of those children – Brendan Boland who was then 14 – gave the then Fr Brady the names and addresses of other children who had been abused. Cardinal Brady failed to pass on to the parents or the police and told them to keep silent about it, but did not himself inform the civil authorities.

The assaults were carried out by Fr Brendan Smyth who went on to abuse several children for a further 15 years after the investigation, and attacked the sister and four cousins of one of the children interviewed by Fr Brady.

Fr Smyth was eventually sent to jail for 12 years for dozens of offences carried out over decades.

So why are politicians only asking for Brady to resign? Why are they not calling for justice and insisting on the authorities to issue an arrest warrant. Afterall, there’s enough to suggest that he could be implicated for conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, conspiracy to obstruct the course of justice, and even as an accessory to child abuse under the 1937 Act.

Seems he is protected from on high….literally!

Heart Attack On A Plate….Literally

This is precisely the reason why we need to introduce a Fat Tax. Why should my tax dollars (well, euro’s really) be spent paying for some obese fucker who can’t keep off the burgers, when I’m eating the healthy stuff that emanates from culinary wizardry of herself to maintain my svelte-like figure.

I am just amazed that nobody came up with this combo any sooner!