Meanwhile In Russia – Parachute Lands You!

This interesting video shows a Russian paratrooper getting taken for a ride by his round parachute. Unlike “square” parachutes, which have brake lines that can deflate the out cells of the canopy, thus making them controllable, the older “round” parachutes have much less control. When you have a slight gust of wind, you can quite literally, be lifted back into the air and slammed back down again with tremendous force.

When I did my training back in Ireland, even though we jumped with square canopies, we were still taught how to do a PLF, or “Parachute Landing Fall”. Essentially you put your legs together, bend your knees and roll when you land. This was the idea in case you flared the canopy too high and hit the ground harder than planned. With a round canopy, there is no real ability to flare, if at all, and so the PLF is the de-rigour way of landing when jumping under these ‘chutes.

But even though the soldier tries to land, the winds gusting upwards, in what looks a little like a micro-burst, literally lift him up off his feet as it catches the canopy and flies him through the air in an almost Mary Poppins-esque dance through the sky, much to the glee of his fellow soldiers happily chuckling in the background. Even his attempts to try and anchor himself proved fruitless as he was dragged for a few hundred metres through the dirt.

As they say, “In Putin’s Russia, parachute lands you!”

Russian Parachute Fail

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

It’s Paddy’s Day today, so I want to wish all my readers a very Happy St. Patrick’s Day, or as Gaeilge, “Lá Shona Fhéile Pádraig duit”.

For all your American’s out there who want to get in on the act and proclaim to everyone how Irish you are, even if your ancestors are really Scandinavian Poles or something else equally Irish, please make sure you DO NOT wish everyone a Happy St. Patty’s Day. This serves to further highlight to the rest of the Irish community, and the world in fact, that you’re a fucking moron, and you’re about as Irish as sushi covered pizza!

Given that this is the day that everyone on the planet is “Irish”, I thought it would be fun to remind us of all the things that make an Irishman who he is. So let’s begin.

IRELAND  – It’s the only place where……..

  • When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over.
  • If you die from alcohol poisoning, you’re considered a lightweight.
  • ‘Fuck off’ means ‘Are you serious?’
  • The person that you insult most is probably your best friend.
  • Saying ‘I will, yeah’ means that you definitely won’t
  • ‘Fuck it, sure it’s grand’ means that you couldn’t be bothered your arse to finish it properly.
  • ‘He’s fond of a drink’ means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism.
  • Saying you’re going for ‘a drink’ means you might not be seen again for 3 days
  • Saying ‘I’m grand’ doesn’t mean you have delusions of grandeur, rather, it means you’re fine/OK.
  • Crisps are called ‘Taytos’ and fizzy drinks are called ‘minerals’.
  • ‘For the craic’ is the best reason or excuse for doing anything, ever.
  • The best cure for a hangover is more drink.
  • The second best cure for a hangover is a full Irish breakfast with rashers, sausages and both black AND white pudding.
  • A rasher is what the rest of the world calls “bacon”.
  • Nobody can go a day without saying ‘Jaysus’.
  • ‘Meeting’ has a double meaning (see the 7th point above).
  • Tea is the solution to every problem.
  • And water is the solution to every GAA injury on the field.
  • ‘I got stuck behind a tractor’ is a perfectly valid reason for being late.
  • We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park.
  • You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. ‘I had a rake of drink last night’ or ‘I’ll be out in a minute, I’m just shovelling down me dinner’.
  • GAA is considered religion.
  • It’s perfectly acceptable to swig from hip flask during a Rugby match.
  • It’s perfectly acceptable to call your mother ‘mammy’ even though you are a fully grown adult.
  • Saying ‘Now we’re sucking diesel’ means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation.
  • Drinking ‘tae’ is everyone’s favourite past time.
  • You’re scared of the wooden spoon.
  • The word ‘like’ goes in every sentence.
  • You can say ‘Any craic’ to a police officer and you won’t get arrested.
  • You never need to study for exams because your Granny lit a candle for you.
  • You thank bus drivers.
  • If you’re not drinking, then you must be on antibiotics.
  • Flat 7UP and/or Lucozade can cure any illness.
  • The first phrase in a new language most Irish children learn when they start school is “An bhfuil cead agam dul go dtí an leithreas”, which is basically asking for permission to go to the toilet.
  • Mothers would usually spout of wisdoms such as ‘If you fall off that wall and break both your legs, don’t come running to me’, or ‘Laughing turns to crying’.

Enjoy your pint, wee glass or your drop of the cratur and celebrate your inner Irishness today.

shamrock-1

New Apple MacBook – No USB Ports

Giggles MemeMove over Hitler, there’s a new meme in town, and his rants will have you wetting yourself with laughter. Hot on the tails of the latest Apple Fanboy’s wet dream, the newest edition of the MacBook Air – whose main features include even more thinness (this is getting ridiculous now) and a distinct lack of USB ports (because of this über-thinness) – is this newest addition to the “rant” meme which features Spanish comedian Juan Joya Borja. Known in his native Spain as El Risitas, or “The Giggles”, for his distinctive laugh and long rambling tales, the video adopts the same style as the Hitler rants, where the voice is sub-titled with a funny, made-up story.

In this case, it’s a story about how Sir Jony Ive showed off the latest test model of the MacBook to Apple’s CEO, Tim Cook, before it was completed. Cook, loving the sleekness and the lack of USB ports hurries it into production and the rest is history.

Shoulders shaking and wiping tears from his eyes, with his thick moustache and screeching laughter, Borja straightens up and slaps a table. “Wait! It gets better!” he cries. “It was so thin the battery wouldn’t fit inside! That’s all our customers need! I got promoted!”

The Hitler Rants, based on the movie Downfall, have become ubiquitous and have derived cult status on the internet. There’s barely a subject or celebrity that hasn’t been referred to or the subject of a Hitler rant. But it looks like there’s a new guy in town.

Art On The Palm Of His Hand

Milano artist, Guido Daniele, is fast becoming world-renowned for his remarkable and stunning artistic animal recreations that ubiquitously known as ‘handimals’.

Daniele, a graduate from Brera School of Arts where he majored in sculpture, began his developing this particular art-form when he took on work as a hyper-realistic illustrator for a number of advertising agencies. This, he says, gave him the freedom he needed to practice and explore new painting techniques.

Since 1986 Daniele focused more on airbrush art, which gives more depth to the creations, and an ability to mix the palette and colours on the skin more evenly or thicker, whichever is called for.

The germination of the seed for Daniele’s ‘handimals’ began in 1990 when he began to experiment with body art, which involved body painting for advertisements, fashion shows and exhibitions. To see more of his creations, visit his website here.

Animal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-DogAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-DalmationAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Clown-FishAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Black-SwanAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Crocodilehand painting artAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Eagle-SpreadAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-GiraffeSchroders_Elefante Animal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-ZebraAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-LeopardAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Snake Animal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-CheetahAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-ToucanAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Elephant-IndiaAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-HorseAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-MooseAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-SwanAnimal-Hand-Paintings-by-Guido-Daniele-Sea-Bream

They Need To Shit Just Like The Rest Of Us

It’s an oft use turn of phrase in Ireland – ‘He shits just like the rest of us’ – meaning that the person in question is no better or worse than the average Joe, and is equally human, with their own misgivings, failures and biological needs, just like the rest of us.

But Italian artist Cristina Guggeri has helped to visualise in her art what some people may have been fomenting in their minds-eye what their world leader might look like when sitting on the “throne”, by conjuring up vivid illustrations of the world’s power elite.

Given that today’s world leaders have a plethora of decisions to reflect upon, making judgements and decisions that could affect the population for decades to come, and that there are only so many hours in the day, combined with their biological human needs, it’s very realistic to believe that some of these images are as close to reality as we shall ever see.

Guggeri set out to remind the rest of us with her series of images called Il Dovere Quotidiano, or “The Daily Duty,” which humanizes some of the world’s most famous leaders by imagining what they might look like when answering the call of nature.

Some of these can be “unseen”, but I really like this tongue-in-cheek humour.

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Science Saturday – Homemade Hand Warmer

Science Saturday - Homemade Hand Warmer

Winter is ALMOST over, but not quite for many of my friends on the East coast and Great Lakes areas of the US or in Canada, where the temperature is currently a balmy -16°C.

But fear not friends, because the folks at Sick Science have a solution that is both fun and easy to do at home and will keep your hands toasty and warm on this cold winter days.

Herself and I took a trip to the Finnish Lapland last month. Our first time ever in the Arctic Circle, and I bought a box of these commercially made feet and hand warmers before the trip. But  had I seen this video before we left, I’d have been a very happy science geek revelling in making my own warmers to take  with us on our trip. Oh well. I’ll have to wait until next winter before I can have a go at making these bad boys 🙂

Nemtsov Murder Inquiry – Detective Putin On The Case

Here are just some of the latest cartoons/memes do the rounds on the internet regarding Putin’s decision to “personally handle the investigation” into Boris Nemtsov’s murder. As one Canadian politician succinctly put it, “It’s like the wolf investigating the disappearance of little red riding hood”.

The FSB have already laid the blame at Ukraine’s doorstep, blaming the SBU. Despite the fact that this is lacking in any evidence to support such a claim, it’s also without any merit as the Ukrainian government and security services received significant support from Nemtsov as he railed against Putin’s illegal war against and occupation of Ukraine. Suffice to say, Detective Putin is on the case, so we can all sleep soundly at night knowing that the killers will be caught and prosecuted…..NOT!

Putin Polonium Detective Putin