NS = No Shitting

The national railway company of the Netherlands, known as “NS” (Nederlandse Spoorwegen) has stooped to a new low. Not content with raising their prices by 8% on an annual basis, or their consistent poor performance with running a train service, but they’ve now out done themselves.

They announced plans to upgrade their rolling stock, and with it came a communique that these new trains will no longer have a toilet on board. Nobody at NS can explain to the travelling public why the sudden need to remove them, and as you can imagine, everyone here has called the idea “ludicrous”. That is, until NS came up with a preposterous “solution”.

What pray tell is their solution? Two words…..Plastic + Bag. Yes ladies and gentlemen, next time you’re taking the train, and bursting to go, for either a number one, or a number two, you can knock on the drivers cabin, ask him for a plastic bag and take a dump in the empty space in the drivers cab. I shit you not!! (excuse the pun). There was no mention if they would also hand out toilet-roll. The train company were sure to point out that the bags were eco-friendly and made from a bio-degradable plastic. WHAT THE FUCK!! I doubt that’s the least of their fucking problems!!

Of course, NS pointed out that the bags would only be made available to people who are desperate and cannot wait until the next station. Given that this is the Netherlands and nobody cares a fuck for customer service or their fellow-man, I can guarantee that 99.9% of drivers will tell the passengers to go fuck themselves and wait until they arrive at the next station. This would definitely be the case if they experience some idiot who manages to miss the plastic bag altogether and pisses all over the drivers cabin. You can imagine the hullabaloo then.

The other bit that makes me laugh is that the passengers’ association, ‘Rover’ says it is pleased with the proposal. This is the same fucking bullshit group that voiced their “concern” about the constant price hikes, but have done fuck all about it. If you’re a passengers rights group, then why don’t you stand up for passenger rights, rather than simply going along with what the train company wants. Christ……any fucking moron could do that…that’s NOT the edict of a consumer rights organisation. But hey, this is the Netherlands where customers matter not a jot and companies couldn’t give a flying fuck about what you, the customer wants, expects or deserves…just so long as you hand over the cash and shut the fuck up.

Yes folks, if travelling by train here in the Netherlands, make sure you come prepared….bring some toilet-roll and a good book so you can sample the new on-board facilities that NS are so proud of.

4 thoughts on “NS = No Shitting

  1. Not 100% correct. There are short service trains running now (“Sprinters”) which do not have a toilet on board, and which are not easy to build in. For the time being, NS proposed to have their staff using a plastic bag, to be used in the driver space, which off course is a very stupid idea. Why not leave 2 mins late and have the staff pee in the station?

  2. You did forget to mention that the bags have a special powder in them so that everything turns to gel. That alone should convince everyone that this is indeed a very good idea 🙂

  3. Who is worse? The executive who suggested the plastic bags, the one who said ‘Hey, that’s a great idea, let’s do it!’ or the one who didn’t fire them both??

  4. Personal experience,

    I just came back from one of the worse trips I ever had thanks to the NS. Friday 20th of January 2012, coming back from Breda to Groningen, the trains was late for one hour because someone apparently jumped to the rail roads. I say apparently because no one would told for sure what was happening, the only thing we knew it was that there wasn’t train to our final destination and that we have to wait a bus to take us from Zwolle to Meppel so we can take the train from Meppel to Groningen. After one hour we hear the announcement of the busses coming, so we followed the crowd to the other side of the train station, when we arrived at the bus stop, we saw a lot of people waiting for the bus since 2 o 3 hours. There were probably more than 500 people, and the NS sent two busses to take us to Meppel.

    Since 5 months of studying in the Netherlands, I have never seeing people queuing to get on the bus, and this time wasn’t the exception. When the first bus arrived, everyone ran to the door, pushing, bumping, etc. It was a complete chaos, and when the second bus came the same happened, obviously, my friend and I did not got on. I was mad toward the situation and afraid of a stampede so, I told one of the NS’s security, supervisor, coordinator or whatever this guys was doing there that they should do their job better, that the women and children first is not applying in the situation, then with a cold voice he yelled back at me saying they were doing their best and that it wasn’t their fault, well, I yelled back that he is not doing his job efficiently, he asked me to shut up. He warned me that if I continue complaining he will take me out of the spot and deny me the bus service, he grabbed my arm and tried to drag me somewhere and he also said I was arrested because I told him to fuck off. The situation was so freaky that my friend stood up for me, she tried to pull me back from the mad man while the rest of the crowd was watching. They did not only do nothing to help me but also gave me their ugly look at me, and telling each-other that I was crazy for complaining about the shitty situation. For fuck’s sake, it was 1 am in the morning, two international students in the middle of nowhere, well ‘Zwolle’, uncertain of what was going on, a psychopath NS worker and in a country where everything is good, and the bad are hided. I actually feel threaten and would leave the country if I could, unfortunately I have to finish my studies here.

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