Audi Drivers

I lived in Ukraine for some time, and whilst there, I found out very early on that NOBODY can drive properly. The concept of safety goes out the window as soon as the person sits behind the wheel. It’s actually frowned upon by the locals to be caught wearing your seat-belt. And this isn’t just a male thing either….the women are equally as bad.

So you can consider my joy when I was moving to the Netherlands. A land where you cannot bribe and buy your driving licence, but where they fleece every penny out of you in the guise of failed driving exams (on average it takes the average Cloggy 2 attempts to pass their exam and is rare to pass first time), but really it’s a form of invisible tax, and where everyone, in theory, obeys and follows the rules….with two exceptions, Audi and Seat drivers.

Really they are both one and the same, the only difference being the average age of the driver. Seat lunatics are usually found in the form of a twenty-something “boy racer” driving a Seat Leon, but really my experiences have shown that pretty much anyone driving a Seat, no matter what model, can be seen driving around like a loon on the Queens highways. But the predominant “new TIT on the block” is the Audi driver.

It seems that the age old adage of the BMW driver has found a new flash set of wheels on which to tear up the roads in. They seem to have moved from Munich’s wunderkind to the new Bavarian tit-mobile in droves. My guess is that the BMW had waned a little in the status levels (every man, woman and spotty teenager was driving them) so they went for something a little more powerful and a lot more elegant to look at and hence the sudden migration.

But you may be asking, “what, exactly, am I complaining about?” Well, for starters, it’s their driving style. I simply do not understand why anyone insists on speeding past me doing 30kph above the speed limit, only to be caught at the lights that I end up catching them at when I roll in behind them. And then there’s the “drive up my arse, over take, and cut me up” manoeuvre which just gets, well, right up my arse!! It seems that they are so frustrated to have a car with so much power, but which must be tamed on the Queens highway, because the Dutch don’t believe in raising the speed limit on perfectly smooth 5 lane motorways from 100 KPH to 120 KPH (or as the rest of civilised Europe has done, up to 130 KPH).

The added frustration is that the traffic in the Netherlands is absolutely appalling. Add to that the fact that you’ll always find at least one crash involving an Audi or Seat driver on a weekday commute, and you end up with gridlock…all because some small dicked testosterone fuelled knob was driving like a gobshite overtaking one car and squeezing in front of him ’cause the car in front was obeying the speed limit and yer man wanted to go that wee bit faster.

The other thing that drives me up the wall with these fellas is the fact that they have no idea what these orange blinky things on the side of their cars are. Perhaps they’re disco lights, or a bird pulling device….the thought that they be used to indicate ones intentions to the traffic around one never enters their mind. Mind you, this seems to be a disease that affect almost all Dutch drivers, particularly on round-abouts.

I have no idea what the insurance premiums are for either Makes, but given the amount of accidents I see one or the other involved in, I can only guess that it must be high. And reading in the local press the other week, it seems that the A3, A6, Leon and BMW X5 are the most popular models amongst the Dutch car thieves….perhaps the local criminals share the same mindsets as these anti-social road hog knobs?

So to my fellow motorists out there, if you happen across a yellow Dutch licence plate and the car in front is an Audi or Seat, then for your own safety and peace of mind, give them a VERY wide berth.

Happy motoring agus Slán,


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